In honor of being a part of this year’s Winter of Zombie blog tour, here is a set of short stories written exclusively for the visitors to the tour. These were started back during the Summer of Zombie tour. They’re from the perspective of one Tony the Zombie and his personal gripes against us humans. Typed out by Greg P. Ferrell because really, have you ever seen a zombie use a keyboard? It’s not pretty.
A day in my dead life!
By: Tony the zombie
Translated by: Greg P. Ferrell
Hello my scrumptious morsels, it is I, Tony the zombie, here back to talk to you about things that really grind my gears. Todays lesson will be the lack of self control you people have when you come face to face with me or one of my kind.
You know we are out here and you know we want to bite you. So why do you scream at us and hit us every time you come across one of us? It just boggles my maggot infested brain that after so long you still freak the hell out. Just the other day I came across two of your older offspring and between the loud screams and flailing arms I could barely hear the sound of their bones breaking as I sank my teeth into them. One of them even pulled out a sharp metal thingy and started sticking it into me. Thankfully one of my new brothers came along and removed his hand saving me from even more damage to my body. We just want to enjoy a nice meal, but we always have to put up with so much screaming and brutality.
Personally I don’t remember making that much noise on the day that I was brought over to this side, then again I don’t remember much at all from my former life to be fair though. I’m sure that when my time came I sat their and respected my attackers desire for a peaceful meal and didn’t do any of the things that I experienced just the other day.
Please realize that the entire world out here is our dining room and we deserve to be shown some respect in it. I imagine that before the whole apocalypse thing happened, you probably went out to eat somewhere and it always irritated you to no end when some other family would show up with their little offspring and they would run around and scream in the restaurant. Well that’s how we feel when you scream at us.
So please respect us out here and we will respect you inside those big boxes you hide in. Oh wait I’m being told that we can’t agree to that. Well apparently I was wrong about that last part so please disregard that, but still quit with the screaming and hitting. It’s just rude.
I’m Tony the Zombie and remember our slogan. Human the other white meat.
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The stench of frozen flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Winter of Zombie Blog Tour 2015, with 40+ of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of November.
Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser…and pick up some great swag as well!
Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them!
#WinterofZombie is the hashtag for Twitter, too!