In honor of being a part of this year’s Winter of Zombie blog tour, here is a set of short stories written exclusively for the visitors to the tour. These were started back during the Summer of Zombie tour. They’re from the perspective of one Tony the Zombie and his personal gripes against us humans. Typed out by Greg P. Ferrell because really, have you ever seen a zombie use a keyboard? It’s not pretty.
A day in my dead life!
By: Tony the zombie
Translated by: Greg P. Ferrell
Tony the zombie here, and I want to have an honest open dialogue with you about our feelings. I’ve been talking with some of my fellow undead, and we all have a similar gripe, name calling. Seriously people, this has got to stop. We are zombies and that is what we want to be called. The names you scream out are kinda hurtful and we would like it to stop. What names am I talking about? As much as I hate to say them out loud, I will do it this one time for your learning benefit.
First off Undead American, just another example of political correctness gone wrong, we are a global people not just in one region. Slab, zed, infected, turned, walker, lame brain, meat sack, maggot face, stinkers, rot heads, decayed, dead heads(that one I think is trademarked anyway), lurkers, creepers, jerks, geeks, roamers or any of the other creative things you people come up with. Please stop it. Even though our way of life or death, however you look at it, might make you think otherwise I’m here to tell you we do have feelings.
Sure I know you look out at us living free with no jobs or responsibilities and you’re jealous of it. You feel you have to say some of those things to make yourself feel superior to us. Well I have a solution for you. Step outside and put down your loud bang sticks and let us bring you into our ranks. Membership drives are constantly going on and we only have to take one bite and you will be one of us lucky ones. Once we are all one people again we can move past all the name-calling and hurtful things we do to one another.
So in closing remember, we were once people too but we got better. We want nothing more than to bring you into our way of life and become one again. Now I won’t promise that all of you will be accepted and we might completely eat a few of you in the process, but thats just the chance you will have to take. It’s worth it though if you make it through the hazing and become a full fledged member of our awesome new race of gut eaters, I mean zombies. Damn it! Now you have me doing it.
Now I have to go apologize to a pair of maggot bags that walked by when I said that out loud. See you next time. Oh well, for now this is Tony the Zombie signing off.
* * * * *
The stench of frozen flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Winter of Zombie Blog Tour 2015, with 40+ of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of November.
Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser…and pick up some great swag as well!
Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them!
#WinterofZombie is the hashtag for Twitter, too!