In honor of being a part of this year’s Winter of Zombie blog tour, here is a set of short stories written exclusively for the visitors to the tour. These were started back during the Summer of Zombie tour. They’re from the perspective of one, Tony the Zombie, and his personal gripes against us humans. Typed out by Greg P. Ferrell because really, have you ever seen a zombie use a keyboard? It’s not pretty.
A day in my dead life!
By: Tony the zombie
Translated by: Greg P. Ferrell
Well this seems to be more relevant than I thought it would be after my last post. So let’s talk about traps.
I have just recently crawled out of a large hole in the ground that was lightly covered with sticks and leaves. I also have two large pointy sticks stuck in my legs and they are really hindering my normally graceful lumbering stride. Really people, do you have to keep setting up so many of these traps everywhere? I’m not just talking about the large holes even though they are some of the more annoying of the traps. Just the other day I was meandering about with a few of my fellow undead, I was asking them something really important and when I didn’t get an answer back, I turned to find that I had been talking to myself for quite sometime since they had fallen into one of those big holes a ways back. I had to look like the biggest idiot just lumbering along talking to myself.
But there are other traps that you like to set up that are really annoying too. Those spring loaded ones that come swinging from out of nowhere with a sharp blade or ax attached to them are not cool at all. I watched the kind hearted man that brought me into this existence catch one of those in the head, and he went down faster than a zombie on top of a slow fat kid. Then there are the fire traps that really, pardon the pun, burn my ass up. Come on, fire doesn’t kill us, it just makes us well done. Plus I know the smell has got to bother you because it really disgusts us. I smell one of my brothers on fire, and I will immediately turn and go the other way.
Those are just the common ones but I’m really talking about any traps you use. You spend all that time making a trap, and you get maybe one or two of us when you could’ve spent that time doing something useful like eating something and fattening yourself up a little. Regardless of your thoughts on them, just stop doing it. They slow us down but never stop us. So that’s my thoughts on that for today. Now please excuse me while I go look inside this large hole on the ground and see what it is. Till next time remember Zombies are not your enemy, we’re… oh wait yeah we are.
* * * * *
The stench of frozen flesh is in the air! Welcome to the Winter of Zombie Blog Tour 2015, with 40+ of the best zombie authors spreading the disease in the month of November.
Stop by the event page on Facebook so you don’t miss an interview, guest post or teaser…and pick up some great swag as well!
Giveaways galore from most of the authors as well as interaction with them!
#WinterofZombie is the hashtag for Twitter, too!